After receiving a disgusting text message from our granddaughter demanding $5,000, we decided to discipline her.

My husband Jim and I were ecstatic when our granddaughter Sarah revealed her wedding preparations. As soon as possible, we began to consider how we could contribute to making her wonderful day even more memorable. However, our happiness was fleeting. Our enthusiasm quickly gave way to bewilderment when we got a letter from Sarah a few days later.

Along with a cruel message that read, “I want a vacation with my fiancé on my birthday this year,” the letter also requested $5,000 for a trip she wished to go with her fiancé. Cover the cost. After years of sending me cheap, garbage gifts, I hope you have enough saved up.

After everything we had done for her over the years, her words were particularly hurtful. We’re not rich, but we’ve always tried our best to help Sarah. Each item was given out of love, ranging from ancestral jewelry and handcrafted quilts to helping with college tuition and a down payment for her automobile. We believed they had some significance for her, but it now seemed as though she had not valued any of it.

I was struck with despair and rage as I sat at our kitchen table with the letter in front of us. “Is this unbelievable?” With tears in my eyes, I asked Jim. “After everything we’ve done for her.”

Jim, as devastated, nodded. “This is incorrect. How does she react when we’ve given her so much?

We both knew we couldn’t ignore this, even though we were disappointed. With an increasing sense of resolution in my voice, I stated, “She needs to understand that her actions have consequences.” Jim concurred, and we all agreed that it was time to teach Sarah to be respectful and thankful.

Taking Back What We Had Given

Our first step was to collect all of the gifts we had ever given Sarah. It wasn’t an easy decision, but we felt it was necessary to help her understand the value of what she had taken for granted.

We began by storing the quilts I had made for her over the years in the attic. Each one was the result of many hours of lovingly and carefully crafted labor. In the hopes that she would eventually recognize their actual value, we carefully packed them up. We then proceeded to Sarah’s frequent guest room. There, we collected the heirloom jewelry that I had given her, which was full of sentimental value and family history. Lastly, we gathered pictures and souvenirs from family holidays and trips, each of which represented the happy times we had spent together.

Our ultimate decision to stop providing financial support for Sarah’s wedding was the most difficult of all. We expressed our decision to her wedding coordinator. We refused to be taken for granted any longer, even though it hurt.

A Love Letter and Difficult Teachings

 

Additionally, we thought it was critical to provide Sarah with a clear explanation, so we wrote her a letter:

“Dear Sarah,

Your recent letter hurt us deeply. Over the years, we have always given you our love and support—not out of obligation, but out of genuine love. Your words and actions show a lack of gratitude and respect that we cannot ignore. We hope this difficult experience will help you reflect on your behavior and understand the importance of appreciation and humility. Love is not about material gifts; it’s about valuing the people who care for you. We hope you understand our decision and use this opportunity to grow.

Love always,
Grandma and Grandpa”

With heavy hearts, we donated the items we had collected to a local orphanage, hoping they would be appreciated by someone who needed them. The next day, Sarah called us, furious.

“How could you do this to me? You’re supposed to love and support me! You’re ruining my wedding and my life!” she yelled.

Trying to stay calm, I responded, “Sarah, we do love you. But love isn’t about giving in to every demand. It’s about helping you grow into a better person. You need to learn gratitude and respect.”

She hung up in anger, leaving us in silence. We knew that our decision had hurt her, and while it was difficult to hear her so upset, we felt we had done the right thing.

Dealing with Family Fallout

The family began to hear about our choice in the days that followed. Some family members supported Sarah because they believed we had been too severe. Others, on the other hand, saw our motivations and agreed with our course of action, feeling that Sarah needed to be taught a difficult but worthwhile lesson.

Remaining Firm in Our Choice

Jim and I stick by our decision in spite of the consequences. Saying no is sometimes necessary for love. With time, we hope Sarah would reconsider her behavior and realize how important respect and thankfulness are. Love is about helping the people we care about grow, mature, and become better people, not about giving in to every whim.